ODE TO JOANNE

Dear Joanne,

I read your blog and nearly fell off of the computer chair laughing. So you are approaching your 50th birthday and have just received your first junk mail from AARP. Whoohoo! This is only the beginning.

In the next few weeks you will learn how good their health insurance is, how they can get you discounts on cruises and other vacations, how important it is for you to have their sticker on your bumper and other sundry things. Of course, they are not the only organization that will be contacting you about "your old age."

Now that you are approaching your 60th birthday, you must be getting ready to retire. That means that you must have some money in the bank to live on. You will be surprised how many organizations want a share of that loot. For instance, St. Luke's hospital for Children, Children living on the Indian Reservation will send you a dream catcher, Disabled American Veterns will send address labels, as will 30 or 40 other groups. By the time you reach the age of 69 you will have accumulated at least 2000 address labels. I think they are planning on your living to 105. Don't forget to give to your local Sheriff and the Bene. Order of Police - they send you a bill - not a plea for a donation. I could go on and on but I think you get the idea.

Now that you are approaching 70 I'm sure that your eyesight has suffered from all of those long days in the sun and watching the ocean. Do you know how many ophthalmologist's there are in your town or county? Gosh, there are lots and they all have large advertising budgets. Cataracts are surely dimming your eyesight. You probably don't realize it but the advertisers sure do. Lots of advertising in the mail box. This is also the time of your life when you begin to go deaf.

Now that you are approaching 80 - guess what??? You are deaf, dumb and blind! Of course anything that you don't understand that the younger generation is doing makes you senile or "in the generation gap." I say phooey on the generation gap. I still believe that manners and morals are important. I also believe that the English language is a beautiful thing. It's to bad that our young people have forgotten how to communicate with each other. I do not consider - I M OK - R U ? to be legitimate communication. However that belief does not make me deaf!

Now is when the cemetary brochures show up in the mail box. Do I care if the dirt above my head has been sifted so there are no lumps on me? Heck no. Do I care if the handles on my casket are silver or gold. Of course not. I will be with my God and loved ones and not worrying about such things.

They say advice is only as good as what you pay for it. Here's my FREE advice to you. Keep your mail box cleaned of junque mail. Keep your sense of humor fresh and sassy. Keep a positive and upbeat attitude. Remember to sing in the shower and dance in the kitchen! Sing and dance every day.

The best years are yet to be lived by you!

Posted with love,

Doris

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOANNE